Greetings from not so sunny California!

Coming from Chicago, you can imagine my distress over the fact that it’s been chilly, windy and rainy the past two days. Now, I did leave a snowstorm and I’m looking at a blue sky with big puffy clouds and palm trees, so what I really need is an attitude adjustment.

I’m here for the celebration of life for the father of one of my closest friends. He was kind, insightful and quietly witty. And most importantly, he and my friend adored each other. They had a special bond only the two of them understood. His last years were tough, but my friend would drive 3 hours in horrific Southern California traffic at least once a week to spend time with him; take him out on adventures; listen to music or the baseball game; or just sit and hold his hand. Simply put, she showed up.

Remember that honesty mirror visit I needed to take that I told you about? Well, on that recent visit, I realized that not showing up had been my modus operandi for a very long time. Whether it was for myself or others, I was MIA. Of course, I would have denied that fact because I thought feeling a lot of anger, loneliness, emptiness, and unfulfillment meant I was quite present and engaged. How could I not be if I was so hyper aware of all the ways life wasn’t going the way I expected or wanted it to – I mean it couldn’t be possible to be able to feel and name my pain so easily but be so clueless at the same time.

Well–it was. You see, what I am learning is that the only way I have been able to move through pain and let go of anger is because I started to show up. I showed up to some form of exercise every single day, even if only a short walk, or half a workout video. I showed up by creating and building a non-negotiable morning routine that includes meditation/prayer, personal development reading, journaling and written affirmations. I showed up by seeing the value in delayed gratification; saving that sweet treat for dinner out with friends, and for when it would be especially delicious– hello homemade chocolate chip cookies! vs. the bagged processed kind from the grocery store.

Showing up matters, even when it’s not easy, especially when it’s not easy. And showing up for yourself is the most important person to show up for because it’s what builds your ability to show up for others. I probably would never have come to California this week had I not been showing up for myself consistently. Not because I wouldn’t have thought of it, or not wanted to, but because it would have been easier to stay home, send a card and some flowers and stay comfortably inert.